Another Day's Holiday? Please, Give Me a       1  (4)
    Break
    All This Health and Safety Talk is Just        5  (4)
    Killing Me
    Men are a Lost Cause, and We're Proud of It    9  (4)
    We Let Them Get Away with Murder on Radio      13 (4)
    Willkommen and Achtung, This is Austrian       17 (4)
    Hospitality
    Gee Whiz Guys, But the White House is Small    21 (4)
    Flying Round the World, No Seat is First       25 (4)
    Class
    They're Trying to Lower the Pulse of Real      29 (4)
    Life
    Forget the Euro, Just Give Us a Single         33 (4)
    Socket
    I'd Have Laid Down My Life for Wotsisname      37 (4)
    Creeping Suburbia isn't Quite What I           41 (4)
    Expected
    Is It a Plane? No, It's a Flying Vegetable     45 (4)
    Is This a Winner's Dinner or a Dog's           49 (4)
    Breakfast?
    Call This a Riot? It was a Complete Washout    53 (4)
    Being a Millionaire is Just One Step from      57 (4)
    being Skint
    What Does It Take to Get a Decent Meal         61 (4)
    Round Here?
    Cutting Lawns is the Last Word in              65 (4)
    Civilisation
    An Invitation from My Wife I Wish I Could      69 (4)
    Refuse
    How Big a Mistake are You Going to Make?       73 (4)
    America, Twinned with the Fatherland           77 (4)
    Cornered by a German Mob Bent on Revenge       81 (4)
    Wising Up to the EU After My Tussles in        85 (4)
    Brussels
    A Weekend in Paris, the City of Daylight       89 (4)
    Robbery
    It's a Work of Art, and It was Built on Our    93 (4)
    Backs
    They Speak the Language of Death in Basque     97 (4)
    Country
    Reason Takes a Bath in the Swimming Pool       101(4)
    You Can Fly an Awfully Long Way on Patience    105(4)
    What I Missed on My Hols: Everyday Madness     109(4)
    Rule the Waves? These Days We're Lost at Sea   113(4)
    Why Can't We Do Big or Beautiful Any More?     117(4)
    Learn from Your Kids and Chill Out             121(4)
    Ibiza-Style
    Going to the Dentist in the Teeth of All       125(4)
    Reason
    Sea Duel with the Fastest Migrants in the      129(4)
    West
    My Verdict? Juries are As Guilty As Hell .     133(4)
    . .
    The More We're Told the Less We Know           137(4)
    Without a PR Protector, I'm Just Another       141(4)
    Fat Git
    Why Have an Argument? Let's Say It with        145(4)
    Fists
    Speaking As a Father, I'll Never be a Mother   149(4)
    I'm Just Talkin' 'Bout My Generation,          153(4)
    Britney
    Chin Up, My Little Angel -- Winning is for     157(4)
    Losers
    A Murderous Fox Has Made Me Shoot David        161(4)
    Beckham
    I Bring You News from the Edge of the          165(4)
    Universe
    Go to the Big Top: It's Better than Big        169(4)
    Brother
    The Nit-picking Twitchers Out to Ground        173(4)
    Britain
    Cricket's the National Sport of Time Wasters   177(4)
    Have I Got News . . . I'm Another Failed       181(4)
    Deayton
    Home Alone Can be the Perfect State for a      185(4)
    Child
    Ivan the Terrible is One Hell of a             189(4)
    Holidaymaker
    In Terror Terms, Rambo Has a Lot to Answer     193(4)
    For
    House-Price Slump? It's the School Run,        197(4)
    Stupid
    The Lottery will Subsidise Everything,         201(4)
    Except Fun
    The Shuttle's Useless, But Book Me on the      205(4)
    Next Flight
    When the Chips are Down, I'm with the          209(4)
    Fatherland
    Save the Turtles: Put Adverts on Their         213(4)
    Shells
    Give Me a Moment to Sell You Staffordshire     217(4)
    A Quick Snoop Behind the Queen's Net           221(4)
    Curtains
    Who Needs Abroad When You Can Holiday in       225(4)
    Hythe?
    We Have the Galleries, But Where's the Art?    229(4)
    You Think SARS is Bad? There's Worse Out       233(4)
    There
    Mandela Just Doesn't Deserve His Pedestal      237(4)
    In Search of Lost Time, One Chin and a Life    241(4)
    In Search of a Real Garden at the Chelsea      245(4)
    Show
    To Boldly Go Where Nobody's Tried a Dumb       249(4)
    Record Before
    Beckham's Tried, Now It's My Turn to Tame      253(4)
    the Fans
    The Unhappiest People on Earth? You'd Never    257(4)
    Guess
    Welcome to Oafsville: It's Any Town Near You   261(4)
    If Only My Garden Grew As Well As the Hair     265(4)
    in My Ears
    Men, You Have Nothing to FEAR But Acronyms     269(4)
    Red Sky at Night, Michael Fish's Satellite     273(4)
    is On Fire
    I Wish I'd Chosen Marijuana and Biscuits       277(4)
    Over Real Life
    I've been to Paradise . . . It was an          281(4)
    Absolute Pain
    Eureka, I've Discovered a Cure for Science     285(4)
    Why the Booker Shortlist Always Loses the      289(4)
    Plot
    Look in the Souvenir Shop and Weep for         293(4)
    England
    Eton -- It's Worse than an Inner-City          297(4)
    Comprehensive
    A Giant Leap Back for Mankind                  301(7)
    What a Wonderful Flight into National          308(4)
    Failure
    The Peace Game in Iraq is Jeux sans            312(4)
    Frontieres
    The Juries are Scarier than the Criminals      316(4)
    They're Trying to Frame Kristen Scott Donkey   320(4)
    All I Want for Christmas is a Ban on Office    324
    Parties